I had this crazy, crazy dream last night…
I was on my way to MY wedding. I have rented jeeps for my relatives. I have invited officemates. I even remember one asking me who the groom is and I said, "He is like you guys, he's a photographer, an artist." (Where did that come from?)
I remember feeling all mixed-up. Happy. Excited. Afraid. And pregnant.
The mood changed abruptly when inside the car (an SUV), a family member asked where the groom is and I remembered forgetting to tell him that there would be a wedding. As I was to call him, my mind was flooded with the worry that he might not come because we haven't discussed this before, and now everything else is ready…well everything except him. And I'm wearing jeans. Wow.
And then I woke up.
I knew during that dream that I was happy being on the family way. My baby was a dream come true. An answered prayer. A precious gift. I was happy feeling that he/she is inside me. A part of me. An extension of my heart. But I cannot forget, too, the worry I felt. The strange fright. The consternation. The father might not marry me. And if he will give a negative response, will I beg for him to marry me because the embarrassment and my unlucky stars would break my family's heart?
I do not want to beg for anybody's love. If I would be married, it would be with a person who sees having me as a blessing--not a task, not a burden, not a favor that I will have to carry through our marriage as "utang na loob". I will not use my child as a collateral, a hostage to get the man who does not see me as a person worth of all the love in the world. I may not be beauty-pageant-beautiful, I may not be rocket-scientist-smart, and am nowhere near Mother Teresa's league… but I am worthy to be loved and will not take anything less.
In God's grace, I will not have my child be put in that situation where his/her having a father who will be present as he/she grows up will be unsure. I want my child to have a father. A father who will love her (it's "her" because I already have a name for a daughter: Haraya Kalayaan, Imagination and Freedom) and who will be a Polaris, a guiding star, as she goes through life.
I have a wonderful family life. Imperfect but truly happy. I have a wonderful father. I would not like to deprive my daughter of that same happiness and experience of having a complete family, having a father and mother who love and respect each other and who together creates a home for her.
I believe that the kind of society we have is a product of the kind of families we have. Families create the milieu, the culture dish for their children. Parents become models. Homes become training grounds. If there is no love inside homes, where will the children get the love and character they are supposed to share to the world. Nemo dat quod non habet. We cannot give what we do not have.
Whatever we are seeing now--if there is rampant corruption, apathy, bullying… -- a great part of it came from shortcomings in the family system. Seeds of corruption may have started taking root in a certain government official or NGO(?) officer when her mother took home some office supplies. In her mind she perhaps have thought that it is okay to steal. Seeds of malice when a rapist's father brought home a copy of a smut magazine and ogled at half naked girls, and as a birthday treat brought him to a beer house para mabinyagan at maging "ganap nang lalaki." In his mind, it was inculcated that women are just objects to gratify one's urges, and by using them one proves his manhood. A rude officemate might have been brought up in a home where nobody gives a damn about how he/she feels. We can cite as many possibilities as there are corrupt public officials. And heaven knows how many!
In God's grace, I will not get married because I am pregnant. In God's grace, I will be with a person who can be a good father and partner. A person who loves Him and seeks to follow Him; who has character and a heart. For my part, I will strive to be a better person everyday. I will work on to be Ms. Right myself. People are never perfect, but I believe it is good enough for God to know that they are sincerely struggling to be better versions of themselves. In God's grace we will fall in love and then stay in love. And we will marry because we have chosen to commit to being a team, partners in following our personal legends and life travels (and travails); and... at least for me... I have found my fountain of poetry in him, a blossoming of metaphors and possibilities like a garden. In God's grace we will put Him in the center of our relationship and we will grow together not just as partners but also as individual persons with dreams and idiosyncrasies. We will wake up each morning to each other's eyes and say to ourselves, "Life is amazing!" And in God's grace, we will together raise children whose ideals and beliefs are lived out; with strength of character and sincere solidarity and concern for their fellowmen. Mulat at mapagmahal na mga Filipinong may pag-ibig sa bayan at batid ang kabuluhan ng buhay. <3 Awww.
This may sound simplistic but isn't it true that good outcomes come from good raw materials?
Dreams are free.
I was on my way to MY wedding. I have rented jeeps for my relatives. I have invited officemates. I even remember one asking me who the groom is and I said, "He is like you guys, he's a photographer, an artist." (Where did that come from?)
I remember feeling all mixed-up. Happy. Excited. Afraid. And pregnant.
The mood changed abruptly when inside the car (an SUV), a family member asked where the groom is and I remembered forgetting to tell him that there would be a wedding. As I was to call him, my mind was flooded with the worry that he might not come because we haven't discussed this before, and now everything else is ready…well everything except him. And I'm wearing jeans. Wow.
And then I woke up.
I knew during that dream that I was happy being on the family way. My baby was a dream come true. An answered prayer. A precious gift. I was happy feeling that he/she is inside me. A part of me. An extension of my heart. But I cannot forget, too, the worry I felt. The strange fright. The consternation. The father might not marry me. And if he will give a negative response, will I beg for him to marry me because the embarrassment and my unlucky stars would break my family's heart?
I do not want to beg for anybody's love. If I would be married, it would be with a person who sees having me as a blessing--not a task, not a burden, not a favor that I will have to carry through our marriage as "utang na loob". I will not use my child as a collateral, a hostage to get the man who does not see me as a person worth of all the love in the world. I may not be beauty-pageant-beautiful, I may not be rocket-scientist-smart, and am nowhere near Mother Teresa's league… but I am worthy to be loved and will not take anything less.
In God's grace, I will not have my child be put in that situation where his/her having a father who will be present as he/she grows up will be unsure. I want my child to have a father. A father who will love her (it's "her" because I already have a name for a daughter: Haraya Kalayaan, Imagination and Freedom) and who will be a Polaris, a guiding star, as she goes through life.
I have a wonderful family life. Imperfect but truly happy. I have a wonderful father. I would not like to deprive my daughter of that same happiness and experience of having a complete family, having a father and mother who love and respect each other and who together creates a home for her.
I believe that the kind of society we have is a product of the kind of families we have. Families create the milieu, the culture dish for their children. Parents become models. Homes become training grounds. If there is no love inside homes, where will the children get the love and character they are supposed to share to the world. Nemo dat quod non habet. We cannot give what we do not have.
Whatever we are seeing now--if there is rampant corruption, apathy, bullying… -- a great part of it came from shortcomings in the family system. Seeds of corruption may have started taking root in a certain government official or NGO(?) officer when her mother took home some office supplies. In her mind she perhaps have thought that it is okay to steal. Seeds of malice when a rapist's father brought home a copy of a smut magazine and ogled at half naked girls, and as a birthday treat brought him to a beer house para mabinyagan at maging "ganap nang lalaki." In his mind, it was inculcated that women are just objects to gratify one's urges, and by using them one proves his manhood. A rude officemate might have been brought up in a home where nobody gives a damn about how he/she feels. We can cite as many possibilities as there are corrupt public officials. And heaven knows how many!
In God's grace, I will not get married because I am pregnant. In God's grace, I will be with a person who can be a good father and partner. A person who loves Him and seeks to follow Him; who has character and a heart. For my part, I will strive to be a better person everyday. I will work on to be Ms. Right myself. People are never perfect, but I believe it is good enough for God to know that they are sincerely struggling to be better versions of themselves. In God's grace we will fall in love and then stay in love. And we will marry because we have chosen to commit to being a team, partners in following our personal legends and life travels (and travails); and... at least for me... I have found my fountain of poetry in him, a blossoming of metaphors and possibilities like a garden. In God's grace we will put Him in the center of our relationship and we will grow together not just as partners but also as individual persons with dreams and idiosyncrasies. We will wake up each morning to each other's eyes and say to ourselves, "Life is amazing!" And in God's grace, we will together raise children whose ideals and beliefs are lived out; with strength of character and sincere solidarity and concern for their fellowmen. Mulat at mapagmahal na mga Filipinong may pag-ibig sa bayan at batid ang kabuluhan ng buhay. <3 Awww.
This may sound simplistic but isn't it true that good outcomes come from good raw materials?
Dreams are free.